I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
