Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
We're too hungover to prance.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Randomize
