i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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