if you like me you must not know who I am
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
Alive.
So much puke
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
Randomize
