I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
