I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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