Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
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