At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
