I have demons in me.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
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