This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
Randomize
