I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
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