i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
