She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
I just blew my weed a kiss
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize
