Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
Randomize
