His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
