Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
