i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Randomize
