Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
Randomize