I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
Randomize
