I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
Randomize
