I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
i think i scared a bird with my dick
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Randomize
