I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
Randomize
