Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
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