Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Randomize
