Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
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