Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
