Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
Gay?
German.
Pity.
Randomize
