he thought i was a dude.
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
