You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
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