you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
I can't turn off my feet"
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
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