apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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