Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
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