Your tits are I can't wait for
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
My dick has a subreddit
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
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