Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
Randomize
