I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
COCAINE IS GR8
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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