Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
Randomize
