Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
I like to think it a success when the cops are called
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
