HIV tests are more positive than that guy
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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