You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
