I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
I had to cum in my sink.
Randomize
