Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
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