I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Randomize
