your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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