i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
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