Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
Randomize
