Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
