LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
I am mentally ready for anal.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
