That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
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