Fine. I'll sleep in my office
Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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