what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
