to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
Randomize
