I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
it was like having sex with a tree stump
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
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