I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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