I got chris browned last night
Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Can you bring me the toilet please
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
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