No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
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