I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
Randomize
