So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Randomize
