I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Randomize
