im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Randomize
