You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Randomize
