I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
my poor anus
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
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