I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
I understand Curling. That high.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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