Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
