if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
