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Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
i now understand why vodka
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
