Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize
