found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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