Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
Randomize
