Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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