Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
