did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
