if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize