this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
Randomize
