Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
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