How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
this is an emotional support booty call
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
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