If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize
