We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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