I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
