if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
