Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
