We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Randomize
