Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
Randomize
