Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Randomize
