I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
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