The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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