I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
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