Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
Randomize
