You did not just play the dead husband card again.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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