I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Randomize
