smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Randomize
