belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
Why is there bacon in the couch?
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
